Just leaving a message here to say that I will probably be out of dA for a pretty long time. I'm not sure if I'll come back considering this website doesn't awake the interest I had for it before, so... Do not take it as a permanent goodbye, but do not feel amazed if I don't come back.
Anyway, y'all know I am not posting anything anymore, so this is one of the reasons: I still enjoy art, but... I don't feel like sharing it with anyone. It did not get better (it actually got worse) and I am slowly giving up on trying to feel proud of it. Pretty much I'll just... Nevermind. Sometimes it feels like I myself am a creation of my mind and not what I truly am. I share opinions that are, in fact, true, but it still does not feel like I am showing the real side of myself. Well, real life itself is looking like that: I feel like we're all characters made up by ourselves and not what we're truly meant to be. Kinda sad, I know, but I cannot help it.
I could make a kind of giveaway of points, but I already gave them all away -- mostly because I don't have the reason I did before to keep them. Why would I keep something that was destined to be spent on a premium account when you yourself do not feel like staying in the place of the premium account? That's the reason.
Oh, and I'm learning C++. It's actually kind of nice. You know, I feel comfortable by learning it, like it was meant to happen. But nothing really important considering that I won't work with it (that is, if I work at the area I'm doing at university).
So... This is not a goodbye, but a maybe. Simply a maybe, and nothing else, and as every maybe, it can go to every possible side. I'm not giving up on me or in anyone that I met here. I just do not feel like staying on deviantART anymore, and every other art community I looked at I just felt repelled: Instagram is like "the typical phobia you have since childhood" with me and whenever I look at it I just go away. Facebook fits in the same cathegory, to be honest. Tumblr is filled with extreme feminists/vegans/SJWs/fujoshis/anything; it's inhabited by extremes, to put it simply, and when you go away from them, they go after you and you simply cannot escape them. And I'm paranoid about people stalking me (Gluskin from Outlast gave me 3 nights of bad dreams just because HE FOLLOWS THE HELL OUT OF YOU LIKE A GODDAMN STALKER AND WANTS TO KILL YOU AND MAKE YOU HIS MOTHERFUCKING WIFE AND OH CRAP I'M GOING CRAZY AGAIN BECAUSE OF THIS), so, you know what happens.
And there are also these small communities where nobody knows you and "big" artists are always the same guys (which kind of feels weird considering you can find better arts on the same community). I even tried to write, but FF dot net has a bunch of stupid mods and adms and also a bunch of idiots writing; writing dot com is the typical "throws confetti at you because you're a beginner and abandons you right after because you're not a premium and swipes you under the carpet" with the bonuses of "giving you [insert type of points here] because you made a review on a piece of writing" and "massaging the egos of the mods". People be nice to you to receive reviews and also because they need someone to throw confetti at them since the website doesn't do it anymore. Oh, and you can be banned if you don't do that to mods as well. There's also Lunaescence and ArchiveOfOurOwn. These two are extremely good, and that is what makes me go away from them: I am not good enough to be part of it. You pretty much feel like "I love you but you're too good for me" kind of thing.
I didn't include every website I tried, though. It's just to let you guys have an idea of what happened during this meantime -- and don't even put your time searching for "Derpingat(insertwebsite)" on them because I used different usernames on every single one to avoid it. I feel bad for kind of "hiding" away from my original origin, but it's kind of a way of trying to carry on. That's one of the reasons why I also feel like I created a character to represent myself.
...Whoa, this actually became a bit longer than I expected. It feels like a letter you write to that old family member you had that you don't contact for a long time (and it's kind of that, anyway), and I noticed my English is getting worse to every sentence I write. Ehh, I was never good with English anyway, so it does not amaze me. But don't you worry, guys, because I probably will come here after some time to check messages and stuff; just do not expect me to post anything. That's something I won't do anymore considering that my gallery is a complete mess of terrible art and things I did in minutes or hours without any true effort and I fear doing the same again.
Oh, and if you ever feel like asking if I am doing well, I am nice as always. Even if I am not really, I am nice. Do not expect another answer.